.
I am tired. I am exhausted. I am sleepy...
I do NOT want to do this stupid homework - but I will... I feel overwhelmed...
I didn't wake up in time for breakfast,
I had 3 small pieces of pizza and coffee for lunch
a piece of bread + jam and an apple for dinner... and now another apple.
I'm in the study hall with Bing Bing and Crysta, and I was going to eat Doritos as a late night snack
but I decided that eating something unhealthy would make me feel worse.
I haven't been posting about my diet lately. It has been going well.. Not well enough. Not fast enough.
What am I happy about...?
I'm really happy I got to Skype a dear friend of mine today,
and I talked to Steven from the Kopecky Family Band.
I need happy music.
Weirdly, listening to Kopecky Family Band is making me sad right now because I really really want them to come back, and I will do my best to bring them to Smith next spring, but I'm afraid of being disappointed if I fail. There's nothing I can do about the budget, etc.
I want to be in Italy, in Paris, and in Ireland.
I'll be happier when all this homework is done. When it's officially summer.
Love, Freedom & Truth,
V.
6 comments:
You. On a DIET?! Why?! You're so tiny as it is!
i'm not sure if you know this, but if you don't consume enough calories every day, your body goes into starvation mode. your metabolism slows down, like it does when you're sleeping, and causes your whole body to slow down. your body will cling to every single thing you eat during this period and convert those calories to fat, because fat burns the slowest. if you were to continue with a low calorie diet (which can in some cases be diagnosed by a medical professional, not me, as anorexia, a horrible and painful way to lose some if not all of the following: your friends, your hair, your self-respect, your physical health (including but not limited to: strength; the ability to carry and give birth; bone density--an anorexic's bones break so easily; organ failure--especially of the heart, because before burning your fat your body will burn muscle, including heart muscle; sleep), your mental health (extreme depression and suicide are more common in extreme cases).
i know it seems like eating less is an easy solution but it really causes more problems. in order to lose weight in a healthy way that guarantees you will keep it off, you have to build muscle and burn fat. if you continue the way you're going, you will become thin but it will be extremely painful. worse than what you can imagine. you will long for the days you merely disliked your body because you will have entered a hell in which you feel trapped in your body, trapped under layers of fat. you'll wish you could just be a skeleton because that guarantees no fat and no consciousness with which you hate yourself. if you ever recover, your body's metabolism will be damaged and you won't be able to burn calories the way your old healthy self could.
but, if you eat healthy meals throughout the day and eat how much you need, in addition to regular exercise, you will drop fat and build muscle at a healthy, manageable speed.
Hey anonymous (I really wish people would put their names!),
Thanks for taking the time to respond with such detail! Wow!
I'm not starving, don't worry... And I'm clearly not thin enough to be anorexic, and I DO eat! I know it seems like today I didn't, but it's because I didn't wake up early enough (college hours), and the dinner in my house didn't look good. I usually am very healthy! I am the kind of person who faints if I don't eat every two or three hours. I do eat! I don't want to be a skeleton, I only want to lose some pounds.
Thanks for the advice <3
Val
Haha Chloe! I'm not TINY! Just a small diet yes :)
i'm not sure if you saw the other half of that comment, and it's okay if you don't want to post it or this one, i just want to make sure you read this. i'm glad you're doing well, but i'm still worried. i know a lot of people who actually have eating disorders, and they deny it by saying, "i'm too fat to have an eating disorder." some of this is causing by body dismorphic disorder, meaning they don't see their bodies as they are. however, it is possible to be at a normal weight or over weight and have an eating disorder. to be clinically diagnosed with anorexia, it's true that you have to be underweight, but this is where it starts. please be careful. love yourself. you're worth it. i'm sorry i'm not putting my name but know that there are people all around you who will catch you if you fall.
I get what you're saying! And thank you once again for taking the time time write this! I did read it all.
I'm not going to fall. I'm really fine.Thank you!
xx
Val
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